I didn't sign up for this.

I went to a birthday party once where they had a pony dressed up like a MyLittlePony. Apparently it was for us to ride. I tried my best to tactfully remove myself from the situation.

Exhibit A: Scene of the Party. 

Inside the Box:

Everyone thought the pony was awesome. They looked at him and saw this:

I did not think the pony was in any way awesome. When I looked at him, I saw this:

The pony and I made serious eye contact for a while, each of us daring the other to come closer.

It was at this point that Mom said I should ride him.

Mom doesn't have a double chin. She's just really enthusiastic here.

I seriously did not want any part of that.

Don't ever let the pony see you cry.

The pony was trotting around, dressed in hearts and bows and the other kids were practically pooping their pants to get a ride. The pony was just pooping. Everywhere. 

Seriously. Wtf.

We're going streakin & leavin streaks.

Mom eventually made me do it. She said it was weird to be scared of a pony.

Told you.

Overall, the entire endeavor was going fairly well, and much better than I could have hoped. 

That is, until the beast decided he wanted to lay down ON TOP OF ME. I jumped away from him like I had just been electrocuted and stung by a bee at the same time.

Luckily, I have the reflexes of a cat, and escaped entirely unscathed.

LESSON:  PIZZA PARTIES > PONY PARTIES